Welcome to the website of the Bard of Windmill Hill:

award winning poet, lyrical comedian and stand-up philosopher;
events creator, word weaver, satirist and moments of magic maker.  

In 2014 I was voted Storyteller of the Year.

In 2018 I received a Best Show Award from Shaftesbury Fringe Festival.

Here are some comments from the judges' report:

"well constructed, original and funny... sharp and often unexpected... a real pro... a clever and original voice". 

And according to Leicester Secular Society it was "Absolutely wonderful - funny, thought-provoking, original. One of the best evenings ever." 


"We have never had a speaker so entertaining. Many thanks." Jan Osborne, president Chew Stoke WI, 20th April 2022

I am available to perform at festivals, cabarets and other public events. Enquiries from private parties, WIs, Probus groups etc are also welcome.

I offer:

  • one-man shows
  • Word Wizards Cabarets
  • writing and performance workshops for schools, festivals or other organisations
  • master of ceremonies
  • walkabout entertainments
  • bespoke poems for special occasions or promotions
  • I am also a qualified teacher and offer tuition in written and spoken English and presentation skills 

Contact me at [email protected]

or call 0117 9665514 / 07957 147464

I am a member of the National Association of Writers in Education.

Here is a typical comment from a school:

"We have been doing performance poetry and plan to return to it in a few weeks, so your activity fitted perfectly. We will refer back to your teaching when we revisit this skill." S Rowe, Year 3 teacher, Bridport Primary, 2017 ...and children said: "I was really hooked", "He inspired me", "Tone of voice and facial expressions made us laugh", "I liked the fact that the audience could join in".



Here is a recent film.

It's about a man who tried to turn back time.

https://youtu.be/pnZ39zX6_OA


​The Bard of Windmill Hill shares his euphoria on hearing that

tennis is once again legal.

(Likes and comments appreciated.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8SmUJOpwdI


... and here is a link to a performance at

The Redcatch Club on the launch night of

9th February 2019. It offers advice on the process of wooing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgC75-0MEKE&feature=youtu.be


... and finally here here is a link to a short extract from a cabaret:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUwJMBeUrfs


"Some poets make you laugh, some make you cry, and some make you think. Not many can do all these things." Mike Abrahams, sponsor of Bristol Vegfest


Newsboard


"Oh, East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet"--Rudyard Kipling


Whether or not NATO should impose a no-fly zone is a difficult and contentious issue. There are, of course, enormous dangers in doing so. The question is, whether the dangers of not are even greater? What do you think? Here is how I see it:


Out of the East

Out of the East comes a whirlwind

Breaking bones and spilling blood.

Many thought he wouldn’t,

Though many feared he would.

Out of the West comes condemnation

At the horror of it all;

Yet, ‘this is not our war’

They say in answer to the call

From the victims of aggression

Who pay the price in blood

And plead for a no-fly zone;

Which we won’t give, although we could.

‘We can’t risk an escalation’

Is the line that NATO takes,

Pointing to the implications

For global safety’s sake.

Yes, a cornered bear is dangerous

With Armageddon in its paw

And the knowledge that it could release

A thermonuclear war.

Yet many Munichs in our history

All serve to say the same:

A tyrant can’t be halted

Until you confront his game.

From Napoleon to Stalin,

From Hitler to Tamerlane:

Their belief in invincibility

Drives all such men insane.

Out of the East roll the tanks

And the deluded infantry,

Mystified by their own purpose

To destroy humanity.

Out of the skies bombs are falling

On the innocents below.

Putin says they must capitulate.

They reply resolutely, ‘no!’

Zelensky, hero of the hour,

Leads them from the front.

Embodying his people’s power,

His message clear and blunt.

Out of the West roll sanctions,

An economic war;

Fought from behind computer screens

Safe from the death and gore.

While Putin puts his boot in

And won’t stop until he’s through,

To serve his dreams of empire

As all great dictators do.

Syria recreated,

Cities blown to dust;

More hate generated,

Disbelief and deep disgust.

The neighbours look on nervously

And think ‘could it be that we are next?’,

Knowing that the architect

Has an empire to resurrect.

Out of the East comes a whirlwind.

The West wonders what to do

About the European catastrophe,

Curtesy of

we all know who. 


If you have been moved by this poem you can donate to the appeal following this link:  https://www.dec.org.uk/donate/ukraine


Is it the party season or not? The government seems unsure of its identity!


The Riddle of the Party Party

The party party says ‘Don’t party:

For the dangers are well known’.

But Boris thinks he’s so smart, he

Does not feel the need to atone

For the parties he’s been a part of

Since he took control of it all,

By performing the remarkable art of

Repainting the old northern wall.


Hypocrisy demands a conviction

To believe in the right of a wrong

And the courage of bold dereliction

To swagger regardlessly on.

A man who can hijack a party

Can dictate all the parts he can play,

And having perfected these arts he’s

Convinced he deserves the last say.


So let him babble his booster’s directive.

Let him bluster and bullshit and blag.

Let him unleash his bulldog invective

As his poll ratings plummet and sag.

He’s Boris! And always will be so!

And he could never be otherwise:

Sustained by his inflated ego,

Cod Latin and ludicrous lies. 




The Bard of Windmill Hill at Priddy Folk Festival

Word Wizards Cabaret 2016    

Festival appearances include:

Acoustic Festival of Britain (three appearances, booked again for 2022), Barnstaple Theatre Festival (four times), Bath Folk Festival, Beardy Folk Festival (twice), Beautiful Days, Bristol Folk Festival, Bristol Festival of Literature (many appearances), Bristol Poetry Festival (have organised events for this festival), Bristol Redfest, Bristol Storytelling Festival, Bristol Vegfest, Buddhafield, Chagstock,Cheltenham Poetry Festival, Festival of Chichester, Chippenham Folk Festival, Everybody's Reading (Leicester. Three times), Hay Arts Festival, Home Farm Festival (twice), Folk in a Field, The Green Gathering (twice), The Lunar Festival, Maryport Literature Festival, New Forest Folk Festival, Priddy Folk Festival (poet in residence for three years), Shaftesbury Fringe Festival (Best Show Award 2018), Stainsby Festival (resident for four years), Towersey Festival, Unearthed in a Field (three times), Warwick Folk Festival (three times), Wirral Festival of Firsts, Wychwood Festival, Yeovil Literary Festival (sell out show)

See the next page for coming events.

I also work as a funeral celebrant. If you are interested in this please see the website at - 

https://trevorcartercelebrant.vpweb.eu/